By Curio Mk. III -- The Fatal Duckling that never left the pond.

Every exercise routine demands a certain amount of cardiovascular fitness, right? It gives us that nice lithe appearance to compliment those beefy muscles you've been working on. Running, aerobics, and bicycling are all fair game -- each with their own distinct benefits. But when you're of gargantuan stature, such as myself, you need a little something more. Breakout the swimsuits, guys, we're taking over the lap lanes.

In elementary school, I was taller than my teacher by sixth grade. I reached six foot in my seventh grade year, six foot four when I started high school, and rounded out at a nice, five foot twenty one inches by the time I stopped growing. This presented an interesting problem when growing up, especially with joint development. I never really had upper body strength -- I was too large for my arms to do pull ups, and mom didn't want me messing up my joints doing sports like wrastlin' or football. Basketball? I knew you were going to ask. No, I didn't play it. I have the coordination of a three fingered sloth when it comes to running and trying to manipulate any piece of sporting equipment.

My grace was in the water. Being six foot eight, I get the generic question about participating in basketball. When I tell people that I swim, they usually end up saying something about me either having built in fins, or being able to take a leap off the block and reach the other side before everyone else. I know it's in good fun, but idealistically, I am not of great swimming proportions. I have more weight to pull through the water than my smaller counterparts. Longer arms are good for the reach, yes, but the hydrodynamic implications are something else entirely.

To say that there is an ideal type for swimming isn't true. Every person is built different, so hydrodynamic principles will differ by shape - especially as you lose or gain weight and/or muscle mass. Let's look at your Olympic class athletes -- males are between six foot and six three - between 9-10% body fat - thin waist, broad shoulders... a machine of muscle. These people train for at least five or more hours a day, six or seven days a week. (Micheal Phelps didn't miss a single day, birthdays or Christmas included, since he was 12 years old.) Most of the time is spent in the pool, but at least 4-6 hours a week are spent doing dry-land work - other forms of cardio and weight lifting. They have an entourage of coaches, physicians, and dietitians.

Are we going to the olympic class? Probably not. Olympic athletes are in a class of their own, but we can gain a little je-ne-sais-quoi for just about any workout by adding swimming to our regiment.

So, what is swimming good for? Are you a triathlete? Are you trying to lose weight? Do you want to swim competitively? Are you looking for low-impact exercise or something that's easier on the joints? Do you want to keep that lithe, swimmer look? Do you want to look good in a speedo, or do you have a penchant for small scraps of Lycra? Do you want to build stamina and lung capacity?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, other than the part about a fetish for speedos, then you should try swimming. Over the next couple of weeks, I am going to try to introduce you to the technique, the accessories, and the workouts that will help supplement your routine. Our goal isn't to turn you into a beef-cake, but provide a nice muscle ratio, in addition to giving you stamina and flexibility.

For those of you who want to swim to lose weight; your success depends on a combination of exercise and diet. Some people get frustrated with swimming because they gain weight. The reason for this is because after an intense swim workout, you are famished, so one tends to eat more. Also, you sweat less due to the cool temperatures of the water. The idea is to maintain a good diet and dry-land regiment.

Doing a few short, or slow, laps during recreational swim time isn't going to cut it. You need to designate between forty-five minutes and an hour and a half in the pool. Start with a warm-up, and follow a workout built for your swimming ability. Most of all, you have to push yourself. If you're not ready to swim 1600 meters, then we'll start you off easier.

Over the course of these readings, I will give you advice for a few good swim workouts, in addition to a few good tips on improving technique and a list of accessories you may want to pick up. As always, consult a physician to see if you're healthy enough to be exercising and whatnot.

First, lets start with a few things you may need for your first workout.

1) It's all in the suit.
A pair of swim trunks can do for a few trips to the pool, but as you increase your patronage at your local lap lanes, you will want to invest in a bathing suit of a different sort.

I can hear the collective groan right now. Oh, god. Speedos?

Yup. But, there are a few things to consider when buying your new duds. Not all suits are the same, and not all suits look like a pair of whitey-tighties.

First- the reason you would wear a competitive suit is simple. Swim Trunks cause high amounts of drag in the water, and can get uncomfortable or start chafing - especially when doing sprint sets. A good suit will sit closer to the skin, won't chafe, and is good for flip-turns. You will want something smooth, but not something like neoprene.

There are several styles and brands at your disposal. Speedo, TYR, Nike, Dolfin, Finis, and Reebok make suits for you to wear. (TYR and Speedo are a bit on the high side of the cost spectrum, but they last a long time if you take care of them.) There are two styles you can consider to start off with: the brief (or racer), or the jammer. The brief is a brief, what can I say? If you want to wear one, more power to you.

The jammer looks like a pair of bicycle or compression shorts. Jammers are really comfortable and a nice compromise for those of you who are a bit self-conscious. Don't worry, people at your local pool are used to people lumbering about in speedos. It's all about whatever you're comfortable in, but either of these styles are competition ready.

Do NOT get a technical suit unless you race frequently. If you want a nice pair of Jammers or Briefs for competition, consider the Finis Hydrospeed or the Speedo Aquablade. Fastskin is a bit out of the price range of the occasional competitive swimmer.

You will also want a mesh drag-suit. A drag-suit is a baggy square cut suit that you wear over a brief style suit. It does what it says - it creates drag in the water. But wait! You said not to wear trunks because they cause drag! -- Yes, I did say that. But consider drag is a good friend while you train. Then when you compete, you don't wear your drag suit and it makes you a bit faster. The reason you should have a drag suit is this: if you are swimming sprint sets during practice, you can take off the drag suit and set it on the edge of the pool, and get the feel for what it will be like without drag. Unless you are wearing speedos under your swim trunks, I wouldn't suggest swimming naked. There comes a point where you can feel the difference in the water when you are and aren't wearing a drag suit. Mesh is good because it increases your drag coefficient more than a lycra or nylon drag suit. (That and the chicks think swimmers in drag suits are sexy. Mine have a skull and crossbones across the butt. Don't look too far into it.)

For sizing, a good rule of thumb is to get your waist size. If you plan on racing, get one size down. For Drag suits, get one size up.

On a final note - please, please, please take care of your suit. Lycra suits aren't like your average swimming trunks. If you leave them in your bag for a long time without hanging them to dry, the bacteria can eat away at the fibers in the suit. When you pull it out, it will look like someone took a fork to a pair of pantyhose. It won't be visible the first few times it happens, but the transparency tends to happen in areas where there is stress on the cloth-- mostly across the ass. So, don't give everyone at the pool an eye-opening experience - to quote Bevis and Butthead, nobody likes a punched fruit bowl. Wash your suit with cold water when you're done with it, and squeeze the water out. Hang it to dry as soon as possible. DO NOT WRING YOUR SUIT, squeeze it.

2) A pool with a view.

You will want some goggles when you swim. We do this for several reasons, the first obviously being visibility. The second is you don't know what's in the water. Chlorine and Bromine kill a lot of the nasties hanging out in the water, but you can easily get pink eye if you swim without goggles, especially in pools where lots of kids swim (and pee). Also, the last thing you want to do is a gutter check... with your face.

When selecting goggles, we aren't looking for scuba or snorkeling paraphernalia. You will want something that sits comfortably in your eye-sockets. You can find goggles with neoprene padding, for ultimate comfort, or ones with rubber gaskets. If you are braver, and want something that's low profile and hydrodynamic, check out the Swedish style goggles. They have no padding. They hurt the first few times you use them, but it's all I wear. But the key is, you want goggles, NOT a mask. The thinner, the lower profile, the better. Also, a bottle of Anti-Fog is a good investment. Follow the directions on the bottle for best results, and make sure to apply the solution to dry goggles at least half an hour before swimming. (If you get anti-fog goggles, don't touch the insides of the lens. The oils in your digits eats away at the anti-fog coating.)

swimoutlet.com has a large selection of suits and accessories for swimmers, all at a fair price. I use them for all my gear, including tech suits and lap counters. You may also want to pick up a pair of hand paddles, a kick board, and a pull buoy. (Most of my workouts will require them.) A lot of pools will have those items for you to borrow, but some don't. They are fairly inexpensive things to get ahold of, and you don't need the ones with the bells and whistles -- just a plain set of hand paddles, a plain old kick board, and a simple pull buoy to place betwixt your thighs.

You can also get mesh swim bags, which help air out your stuff. They also have a grab-bag for suits, which is a bit cheaper, but you don't pick your print. They also have water-proof MP3 players, digital lap counters, and all sorts of fun things. One of their players uses cheek-induction to play sound through your cheek bones -- it sounds crystal clear underwater. (Just a set of special speakers that sit on your cheek, no drilling required -- good for keeping consistent pace.)

3) Eating for swimming.

A lot of people say that swimmers need a lot of carbs because of the energy they use. Others say lots of protein. Granted, you need protein to build muscle mass, I would highly suggest picking up a copy of Eat Right for Your Blood Type.

Let me defend myself on this one: no, this isn't some crazy diet scheme. We're not doing the atkins or the south beach thing. The reason you should have this book is simple: certain diets don't work for certain people. The reason? Blood type. Our ancient ancestors ate certain things in relation to their tribe's location. There are certain things that you should and should not eat, especially when maintaining optimum health.

For instance, I am a blood type A. I should be eating a diet high in complex carbs, low sugars, and no meats or dairy (cheese or milk -- low fat yogurts, sour cream, and cottage cheese should be OK in moderation). A Types should be mostly or exclusively vegetarian. O blood types should be eating lots of meats, but should cut out a lot of carbs. The book divides things up so there are certain foods that provide lots of nutrition, some foods that are neutral to your health, and things that you should absolutely not eat.

Now, before you grab the rope, string me up and say, "No, I ain't gonna be no stingy vege-meh-tarian or veegan" -- I give you three things to think about: 1) consider the health benefits and try it. My grandfather, who is eighty three, never taken any medicines, started on a blood type diet that was specially designed for him. Without any chiropractic care, and only after two months on the diet, he started standing up straighter, his joints aren't swollen, and he doesn't have nearly as much trouble walking. He got the sparkle back in his eye. But then again, he has a strong resolve and sticks with it. 2) Find middle ground. If you're an A-Type and you just can't get rid of meat in your diet, get rid of red meat completely for fish and and lean meats like turkey. You will still need protein, which you can get from soy, pinto beans, etc... Trust me, stick with it, and you will feel so much better. 3) Stop being a pussy. I know giving up certain foods is harder than giving up smoking, but after the cravings are gone, you don't even miss it. After I cut out dairy, I lost ten pounds.

And no, I'm not some hippie, tree-hugging, save the animals sort of... um... hippie. I have a leather jacket, and I'm not militant about telling others what to eat. I am making a suggestion that will help you gain optimum health and keep it. If you have a dietician, a personal trainer, or a diet that is working for you, go for it. Please- just make sure you are getting the nutrients that you NEED. I can NOT emphasize this enough. McDonald's isn't going to be good for you, but I don't need to tell you that.

So, stay tuned for your first pool workout. Grab your suit, your accessories, and get ready!

==Dry land set 1==
If you want some good dry-land exercise in the meantime, find a gym dolly (one of those square pieces of wood or plastic with a wheel at each corner), and find an open gym, racquetball court, or large open space. Lay down with the dolly under your pelvis, balancing so you're facing down. Using your hands to pull, push off the wall with your legs, and pull your weight to the other side of the gym only using your hands and arms. It takes a while to get used to the balance on them, and your shoulders will burn, but it provides you with a good cardio workout in addition to building essential muscles in your shoulders and arms.

--1 rep--
Cross the gym 5 times doing a butterfly style pull -- using both hands, pulling through fully. Rest 30 Sec on each side.
Cross the gym 5 times doing a freestyle pull, alternating hands when pulling, using one arm at a time. Rest 30 sec on each side.
Rest for a minute or two between reps.
--

Do as many reps as you feel comfortable with. If you're just starting out with this particular exercise, I don't suggest exceeding 5 reps.

WARNING: If you have long hair, pull it back. Make sure shirts or baggy clothing is tucked in, tied, or out of the way. Those little wheels like to grab on, and if it grabs your shirt, it will pull your face into the floor with force majeure. It hurts, trust.

Also-- if you know where I can buy a gym dolly, please drop me an email.

Until next time -- 59.9!